#EyelinerChallenge Confession

On February 27th I aggravated my back condition during a yoga session. At the time it wasn’t too awful, just a twinge in my lower back. The next day however I was in hell.

I’ve had back issues since my last major procedure in May of 2013 but I have never, not even at it’s worst experienced pain in my back like this. I could barely walk, I could not bend over or turn at the waist to look at someone. Lifting the milk jug caused a flurry of spasms in my low back that took my breath away. After about 36 hours of ice and NSAIDS and lots of rest I was doing alright.

The pain was settling down and after about a full week of toning it down I was able to get back to some more normal things. Then I lifted a jumbo size pack of toilet paper and within seconds all of the pain and spasms were back. This was on the 8th I believe…….anyway, since then my back has been a complete mess. Spasms and pain 24/7 and I am using my full arsenal of relief options just trying to get through the day. I have not ever, ever, had this much searing pain for so long before. I am quit honestly telling you it has been hell. I have cried to The Hubs so many times telling him that I honestly don’t know how much longer I can take this constant pain.

It’s too much, it’s all the time, it doesn’t go away. On top of hurting so insanely I can’t do anything. I can’t drive or handle being in a car so I can’t go anywhere. I can hardly pour my own milk let alone run an errand. I haven’t been out with, or even had a couch visit with a friend since the 4th. My back pain has managed to isolate me pretty much completely from anything I enjoy. No yoga, no visiting, no baking or cooking. Nada.

I came up with the Eyeliner Challenge for myself mostly as something to do during the day. Since I am incredibly limited right now, I figured this would help me feel a little bit normal. I honestly think it is the best idea I’ve had yet. Even though I am still in pain all the time, I feel more like a person after I put myself together a bit. Yes, I am still sitting on the couch, yes I am still wearing sweat pants and comfy shirts, but I feel better. Even if it’s just a little bit, I still feel better.

Today is pretty bad so far, but I am still going to hold myself to the challenge. If I can do nothing else that makes me smile all day, I will do the Eyeliner Challenge and know that on some level, I had a victory today.

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