Me and the Mat

Since my last procedure 9 months ago I have been playing it safe. Like, really safe in the area of activity. Partly because I seriously hate paying for it later, and partly (well, mostly to be quite honest) because I am always at war with my pain meds. I don’t like to take them, but I need to take them so I can be around people without taking their heads off. (I have zero patience when I am in pain…turns out). Another factor of course is always the worry that I will use too many of my pain meds, and refill too early. Ideally, it would take me 30 days to get through a single Rx of Percocet. Unfortunately my body has other ideas on that. So, with the fear of not getting to refill when I need them comes the solution don’t. do. anything. Nothing. Be as gentle on your body as you can so you don’t irritate anything or trigger a pain flare up. Shortly after I stopped working I quit yoga while I was going through physical therapy for my back. I got to a place where the level 8 pain that had stalked me daily was a memory, and I was ready to get back on the mat. But wait-what if yoga made my back pain worse? What if it made my front pain worse? What if it made all my pain worse?!?! Yea…no mat time for me then. Great idea, yes? No. I have gained almost 10 pounds in my crusade to not piss off my pain. So, now I am cranky, I feel yucky in my body and I am bored. And then about a month ago I stumbled across a blog written by Megan S on and she was talking about how she was back on the workout wagon even though she knew it would cause her pain. She realized that she only had this one body to live in, and she needed it to be strong. Now, more than ever. My first thought was she’s nuts and then I miss working out and then finally I can do that…yea…I can work out. No, I NEED to workout. My biggest fear in all of this is what will it be like when I am 50? What will my body be like? What does a life of sitting around do to a person? I have never been so inactive in my life. Ever. This girl right down there in the black 36840_138009546216388_6188020_n That’s me before all of this pain crap started. I was dancing 2-4 nights a week with a promotional company in MN called Sound In Motion ( and by contract for several other clubs or companies and it was my life. Nothing gave me a bigger high than getting on stage and dancing my booty off in front of a few thousand people. I love the feeling of being out of breath, heart pounding, sweating all gross like…yea…that’s the stuff. And I miss it. Now, I realize that the days of dancing for 3+ hours a night are not coming back again, but that doesn’t mean that I have to leave a butt shaped imprint in my couch for historians to document later. What I need to do is take care of the body I have, because it’s the only one I’ve got. I have to stop being afraid of causing myself more pain or worrying that I might not have the pain relief I need. I need to get my butt off the couch. Now. I have found a great love in yoga. Which is weird because it is the exact opposite of loud music, screaming crowds and 3 hours of cardio, but I do love it. It’s calm and quiet. It forces me to stop thinking (just like dancing) and focus on me. It’s 50 minutes of uninterrupted time with my mind and my body. It’s something I need. In January I promised myself I would do yoga 3 times a week no matter what. I also signed myself up on the Lose It! app for my phone so I could track my food intake. When I started up again I figured it would be a piece of cake. I had missed my mat and though I still remembered all the poses and postures, my body rebelled. Hard core.  I was insanely tight and everything felt like it was going to snap. The tightness in my pelvic and abdominal area was insane. Did I hurt when it was over? Holy crap yes! But I haven’t quit yet. Last week was the first week since I started that I got all 3 sessions in and I was so proud of myself. So excited to know that I could do it and still walk afterwards. I was even happier to see that I lost a few pounds in the process and even more motivated to stick with it. My hope is that this will condition my body again, loosen up some of the tightness in my most painful areas and allow me some of my life back. I’m not a widely public person and I don’t love it when people check in at the gym every freaking day on Facebook. I don’t care to see a picture of every meal a person is eating or to read posts about people’s thoughts on other’s eating habits. I believe that your fitness journey is your own and it doesn’t need to be broadcast to the world. Much like the bible says to fast in private, if you’re doing it for you, the world doesn’t need to know. But I find myself motivated by some of the posts I see, and I feel even more inclined to stick to it when I know other people are aware of my project. Which brings me to my next happy about this new project of mine. I am sort of sharing this project with my dear friend Riz who also loves yoga and is on her own fitness journey. She doesn’t make me feel bad for eating a doughnut and encourages me to rest when I need to. She totally gets it when I say “I had to grocery shop today, so no yoga until tomorrow”. We even find time to hit the mat together when the weather and sick babies allow.  She keeps me competitive too. Like, who can touch their heals to the floor in Downward Dog or stay on one foot in Tree Pose the longest. She also totally gets it when I get all excited about Triangle Pose (it’s my favorite). My goal is 10 pounds in 10 weeks but I am cutting myself enough slack to allow up to 14 weeks. In case of unforeseen flare ups and such. A HerbaLife rep I know “B” always says “Summer bodies are made in the Winter” and since I am bored out of my mind waiting for Spring what better time than now to set my goal and work towards my summer body. My healthier body. My “I can handle this pain better because I am fit” body. I can’t change the fact that my veins don’t work right, I can’t go back in time and fix my back. There isn’t anything I can do but cope when the pain is bad. All of those things are out of my control. But there are things that aren’t. So I am taking control of my health in every aspect I can. What will you take control of? The yoga videos I do are Yogaworks found on itunes. The Lose It! app can be downloaded from itunes for iphone or from the google play store. “B”‘s HerbaLife Instagram can be found here: 

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