Impatiently Impatient

I know, I know, it’s been since forever that I wrote here last. Truth be told I was really trying to just get on with my life, you know, outside of that stupid tunnel. Ironically enough, no sooner than we had decided no more surgeries that I found myself making arrangements for surgery number 6.

 

I know.

 

After visiting with my surgeon we found that my cervix was angry, and potentially the reason I was still suffering some of the symptoms I was having. Along with back pain and odd bladder issues, I was still -9 months post hysterectomy- getting my period.

Incredibly unfair.

Not only was that pseudo period the culprit of 10 days of hell every month, I was also experiencing the 5-7 days of nasty while I ovulated monthly.  So basically, nothing had really changed since my procedure in August.

Soooooo *sigh* after discussion with my primary, my mom and of course, my husband we decided to get it over with so I could be 6 weeks post op by the time my kids were out of school for the summer. Since I had already gone through the hysterectomy, I thought I knew exactly how this one would be. In fact, my primary was pretty confident that this would be less intense and the all around consensus was that this was going to make a difference. This surgery is going to do great things for me.

After the surgery was over and the surgeon visited me in my room he explained that my cervix was indeed inflamed and angry and my left ovary was removed because -like my cervix- it had these odd growths on it that made him suspicious.  *The biopsy came back benign for both so no worries there. I did have some mild chronic cervicitis which we expected.*

After a ridiculously painful overnight stay in the hospital I went home to start healing up. 18 days later I still pretty much hurt like crazy and I am impatiently waiting for the days when I start to really notice the improvements this procedure has provided. In the meantime, I am repeatedly floored by how much I hurt. I have a pretty good ability to control my pain and live around it, but this pain demands my attention. It practically screams at me hourly to pay it some respect. My freezer can’t keep the ice packs frozen I switch them out so much and my heating pad almost never shuts off.

By this point after my hyst I was back to work and doing some household things around the house. No such luck with this one. I get about 2 hours worth of activity a day but most of my time is spent laying down. The most frustrating thing about this is that I can’t sit for very long without the pain getting ridiculous. Also not something I experienced with my hysterectomy. So I literally have to lay down for most of my day instead of sitting around.

Frustrating.

In fact, I am such a sourpuss about this process that I find myself jealous of my normal friends who get to get up and go to work every day while I sit here and watch everyone else live their life. Of course, my friends are amazing and they come to visit with me on my couch or in my bed to keep me from losing my marbles. But between me and you even that is hard for me. While I am sitting around in my sweat pants and tank top, here sits my gorgeous, healthy, perfectly working friends across from me on the couch. They are dressed, and polished and ready to run errands and go out with each other. They aren’t shoving ice packs down their pants and sitting on hot packs. I hate them. Okay, okay, I don’t hate them. I hate that I can’t do what they can and it’s killing me that I can’t even do what I could do 3 weeks ago before this surgery.

I think, the problem here is that I can feel that this surgery is going to make a difference, and since I know that things are going to be better, I am that much more anxious for my life to get going again. No matter how much I try to look at this as a really long, lazy vacation all I can think about is once it is over. I took 2 weeks off of work and was prepared to sit around for those 2 weeks while I healed up, but when it became obvious that I wasn’t ready to go back and I had to take a third week off, I cried. Now I am looking at week number 4 and I still can’t sit or be active for much more than a couple hours. How will I go back to work in 4 days?

The good news is that the weather has been beautiful and my kiddos and The Hubs have been just awesome through this whole thing.  We are having some friends over for a BBQ this weekend to celebrate Memorial Day and though I won’t be able to mingle around like I wanted to, there will be plenty of people on my couch with me.

So, until whenever happens and this starts to get easier, I will be impatiently waiting to be reunited with my life. If you happen to see it out, could you send it back this way?

 

 

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